Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Tears shedding, tears dripping

Lying down under a lime tree, I start to read a book.
When there are funny moments, I laugh.
When there are sad moments, I cry.
When the sun has gone down, I closed the book.
After stretching my arms, I start to walk down to my house.
I see my door broken and open.
I decide to stay outside near a park I like.
It is a cold day but I don't mind, not at all.
Lying down under a lime tree, I close and open my eyes.
I see a lot of stars in the dark sky.
I close my eyes again to sleep.

When I open my eyes, I can see clearly because of too much light.
I don't know if it is sunlight or moonlight.
Suddenly there is an angel in front of me, telling me that I am in Heaven.
"I see."
I feel tears coming out.
And I realize that I am crying.
I am.......


Yes Imma failure, Imma loser. I lose in this life game, I give up. This whole shit thing is just too hard for me. I have never been this suffer and I'm really suffocating. I don't have jolly sides of me, I'm pitiful I'm not hawtsome like everyone does. People said I look happy as always and I dont look like I'm stress and whatlever, but I feel like saying why should I show my unjolly side of me to you guys? And I know you'll worried about me. I still have long journey to go. I still have long way to go, I have my own path I have my own way, no way Im gonna deal with it. I'd enough like seriously i really had enough, I quit this game. I quit. I feel like dumping everything and be cheerful like everyone does but i just couldnt, I'm suffer I'm suffocating, I'm tired. I hope I can just continue this game but too bad I couldn't. I had bad result on my monthly test even I post in facebook I do not care about my test but on the other side, I care. I do care it. I study hard almost everynight, I pray for god, I pray I would just get at least good result but I do not get anything. I'm so epic failure. I hope I'm drunk so I can sleep till I forget everything, I hope I'm in koma or cancer so I can sleep like a dead person do. I'm tired I'm really tired. I wanna cry out loud but can I? I'm just so tired. Please lemme go.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Anyeonghaseyo bloggie. I'm currently not in the fucking mood. I think I need a break. I'm so tired with all those shits. I couldn't take anymore. But I have to bear it. sigh. Whatever is it, I gotta be strong, I gotta be tough enough! I can do this, I trust myself (:
Anyway I took some pictures to cheer me up, some webbie pictures. It's seriously funny. Haha. I actually took a lot. Just wanna upload fews of it :)

I'm being vain. Lol. sometimes life isnt we planned. If it's hard maybe god had a plan for us. Everything depends on fate. If it like this then it is. I'm making it harder and harder actually. I cried a lot, I emo, as always, I depressed as usual. I laugh as always I talk, I walk I do whatlever I want, but life is something unpredictable. I couldn't control it. I couldn't make it easy, if it hard then yess it is. But why do I have to suffer like this. I'm so fucking depressed. I need some entertaiment. I talked my mum about everything. She called me to try my best as usual and cheer up. I don't know why I'm just being disobedient. When my mum called me to stop crying and sleep, my heart just couldnt lemme to sleep and make me cry even more worst. I'm seriously being stupid and cry for something which is not worth for me. Imma bitch. I don't know how long I can still live under this stupid shit. I couldn't do anything but to face it. I'm scard, I'm alone, I'm crying but nothing change. I dont wanna leave. I wanna stay. sigh. It's over for me. I won't commit suicide, don't worry. I'm stupid but not childish. This is what life are, hard and unpredictable. I'm going to get some sleep. I needa a break. I needa stop crying! I needa be tough I needa be strong I need to stand up straight I needa know my path I needa know my way I needa to know everything. How I hope I can be just like a bird, fly without obstacles. Fly easily. The higher you fly the higher you get. Off from laptop. Bye blog.

I gotta be tough.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Why is it me ..

Why is it me, why is it have to be me. I can't stand okay. I need some peace now. I need to take a break. I'd enough. I dont like what i have now. I'm unhappy. Sorry. I'm so friggin emo now. I really can't stand it , why is it have to be me.
Seriously I don't understand why my life have to be so hard. Gosh. I think I'll just get over it. I miss the old mum and the old dad. Where have they bee
n? Why is they dissapear just like this? Tears shedding non-stop. I miss you.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


I was wondering if there is a life time machine that could turn time back to when I'm still a baby and dont know everything? Sometimes, I think life could make me hard and down any time. I'm so scared. I wasn't even study for my next exam. I'm gonna study hard from now on. I hope I could do my best in my everything. I was fragile. I'm depressed. I can't do anything. I'm lifeless. I'm really emo right now. Everybody seems to see me in a different way. They see me used to be like a cheerful person as people see, but i'm not. I'm faking it. I'm quite upset now. I don't have the guts. I hate myself. It's just not me. I hope I could die right now. I'm off now. I really couldn't stand it, I guess I need to take a rest and enjoy myself. Byee peeps. I need to rest down and cool down myself. I'm stress. I don't know what to do, i'm friggin pissed off yet being mad of myself. sigh. Whatlever it is, I hope I can turn back the time to when I'm still a baby.

Lots of loves, xo ):

Saranghae oppa

Oppa, saranghae. Sayaechukahamida nan chong men miyahne. Nan sarang oppa
Oppa, happy birthday! Sorry late wish. I hope you the best Oppa!
eeeee, wo de ai ren
Oppa, last but not least, happy birthday! Shen re kuai lek!! WO AI NI AH oppa

Saturday, January 29, 2011


Hi . I'm sick just before cny . Great awesome . I've been waiting this day to come for almostt two years ! Fuck ! this morning my school had a so called merentas desa activity and actually it ain't fun at all and make me sick , cough and ill . I did enjoy actually just sometimes I hate loitering around the school with lifeless people such as hostelite -.- To be honest , I don't talk much but that doesn't mean I hate them . Haha funny . Urm actually I gotta go . Have to consult doctore . Lots of loves , xo :)